…and other so called negative or unacceptable feelings.
I wanted to write about something else today, but then I noticed two posts on Facebook, one in an business group, one from an author I like.In the first someone was just asking “how do you deal with anger” and 99 percent of the people told him to “get rid of your negativity”, “anger is poison for the soul”, “stay positive”. In the second post, a friend hat edited “Express yourself in a positive way” to “Express yourself in an honest way” – which made so much more sense.
The first post made me angry though – because anger is a powerful emotion and just being told to “be positive” instead is toxic. All this BS about “being always positive” “I don’t do anger” and so on don’t really help. If you push your “negative” emotions down, back under the surface, you haven’t dealt with them and I promise you this anger will come back stronger, when you least expect it.
When you feel a strong emotion, there’s usually a reason – and this emotion, be it anger, frustration, feeling depressed – needs to be felt and acknowledged. Sitting with it and breathing, talking to it, allowing it to be here – and tell it “I feel you” is one way. Be gentle and kind to yourself. With anger that can be really hard, so you could cry into a pillow or attack the pillow with your fists and yell. Let it out!
Sometimes we feel strongly because we need a good cry. I know when I don’t allow myself to cry when I feel like it, it will break through sooner or later. Especially during our current situation. Allow yourself short “breakdowns” – let’s say 10 to 20 minutes – where you can let go and let it out – I do it regularly when things seem to get worse. Breathe out, say what you feel “it hurts” or “it’s too much” , yell, cry, let it out.
Then you may be able to find yourself in a more positive mood again, sooner than you think.
It can also be helpful to remember, that we all are a mix of yin and yang, male and female energies, dark and light. Nobody can always be positive – and it would not be healthy either. The way is to embrace all you are, the dark and light parts – and that may not be easy or please other people, it will make you feel whole. And you’ll enjoy life more. Isn’t that the point?
P.S. I know this is a controversial subject -I’d love to hear how you handle these situations.