Back-Doors

Again, a post inspired by a somehow strange co-freelancer, with whom I had sort of a falling out last night.

It got me thinking about people, who always leave back-doors open – which would make sense in case of danger for a quick escape.

But – and that’s my humble opinion – how do you work on a project, when you only are not willing to commit to a kind of communication with the other person responsible, nor are you willing to show up at certain times or tell your co-freelancer when you’ll be back and how to split the work. Your answer always is: “I am not willing to commit, or to be available or…” The discussion ends with you being the victim, telling the committed person that it’s her fault and a sentence like “if this continues, I’m out.”

I should have  seen it coming, you told me several times, if it’s not as much fun and you can’t do as you please (which means for the others to often do your work, because of goals and deadlines, about which you also don’t care that much) – then you’re out.

Which is okay in a position,where you are not responsible, but if it’s your project and teamwork – you definitely can’t leave a back-door open for months. And you don’t seem to be a team-player at all. Of course you never tell the manager, you just disappear for days (which is incredibly rude, you do not even have the decency to announce this, and of course the work has to be done anyway)  and come back saying “oh, hey, I’m sorry I  missed another meeting”. That is not what freelancing means. That’s simply irresponsible.

This is an example, I have noticed this behaviour not only in jobs but in relationships and yes, I notice it so clearly because I have done it myself. I know how it feels if you always tell yourself, you can leave any time. Although I never left before the job was done, but sometimes half – hearted, because of me knowing I left the back door open,

Your partner is not sexy any more or you don’t like his tone – and you say I’m out. Why fix something, why care or listen, if there’s something or someone new and shiny out there.

Why pull through a project, fall and get up – when you can leave if it stops being fun. We all know that a project can start as fun, but when it gets tough you have to commit and do the work – instead of pulling out. I’m not talking about hopeless jobs, just projects with tight deadlines or an hour more per day than you planned, for a week or two.

And communication is relevant, essential – you can do as you please as someone who does the smaller tasks – but for a project you have to tell your partner (if and) when you are available, how to deal with people and problems, together, as a unit.

The ultimate rudeness for me is, if your partner tells you how she feels and asks you to communicate, you project it back onto her, play the victim – and of course threaten to leave.

I may not always have learned something in a situation, but one thing I know for sure is you can’t succeed in a job  or freelance project or relationship if you don’t commit, if you don’t like to communicate, if you always want it your way or not at all, if you disappear through the back door any time you feel uncomfortable.

Life starts when you commit and close the back door. When you give the project or partner or the job as much energy and time as it deserves.

If you really want out of a job or relationship at some time – just use the front door.

 

 

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