Everybody on- and offline was talking so much about this solstice, even if we could not see it in Europe, we were watching on the interwebs.
I was going slow yesterday, trying to get stuff done, but also bnlocking time for a short meditation.
I was thinking about all the weird things happening last week…me not wroking as usual not fighting, just feeling tired, a bit more shy, not knowing why.
I also felt a lot of resistance and anger.
Resistance to work on my business, on my ideas – procrastinating, fearful, not my usual self….I always pushed through, got up…not this time. I felt a sudden fear of being too visible. I was told, once again, it’s dangerous to be as visible online as I am.
There was a lot of anger, also, because my family does not respect my freelance work, because of all these questions about regular working times or getting a safe job. I have explained a bazillion times what it means, how I work and why I have to do this now.
Friends and the job agency, my tax consultant – they get it, not my family, read: my Mum and my brother. To them I am lazy, no good without a proper job.
Last week I felt this stuff piling up, was sleeping lots, knitting and cooking more – yes, I was not doing much – yet it felt like it has to be like this now.
I don’t know if it makes sense to me – yesterday, late afternoon, evening, close to the eclipse I experienced some “serendipities” – especially Jamie Catto’s post about roadblocks and being visible resonated, as did the meditation he shared some days ago.
I had this clarity to risk it, to jump fully into this life, this business, to fully explore my adventure, my creativity – to share it with as many of you as possible.
I only have this one life – I want to live it to the fullest, to give it everything.
Lastnight, when I went to sleep, ideas where flooding me, good ideas, a structure, a plan and lots of colourful, crazy stuff I ‘m going to try.
It felt like the solstice energy was pushing me, softly, but pushing. Ideas pushing through, and here I am – writing again. It feels so good – solstice or not.
It feels like it has always felt when I was writing – really good, really being me.
Edit: I mean ths Solar Eclips energies, obviously – which were so confusing that I used a wrong title 🙂