Birthday Thoughts

I’ll be turning 50 on Sunday – and I admit I had a pre-Birthday-crisis over the last two weeks.

I thought about my friends, the ones I’d love to be here – most of them living in other countries, Denmark, China, the UK. I’d have had to plan at least a year in advance to make that happen.

And I am not the type to plan that long in advance.

I am not the “compare and brag” type either. So I thought until my brain was fuzzy with sadness, anger, envy, jealousy and I was not feeling good at all.

There I am, almost 50 – and where do I belong?

This need to be part of a certain group, a tribe or a social circle – it’s very deep rooted and strong.

Nearly as deep rooted are the “should do’s” I had in my head:

I should invite many people.

I should have lots of food and drink and entertainment.

I should do something extra-special.

Do I like big parties? All the organizing and running around like a headless chicken? Do I like to have one of these “brag about” events?

NO! That’s not me at all.

I like small parties, close friends only and I like the spontaneous and fun events which are created from the heart, not from the mind.

So, yes, I am going to have something extra-special: I’ll have the whole day for me, to do what I want, to chat with family, to have cake but mostly do what I want whatever that is in that moment. Time to watch a movie, time to read, time to meditate and write or simply do nothing.

Time is precious. Time is what I really need. Me-time is priceless.

There may be celebrational dinners and lunchs and whatever over the course of May. The day itself belongs to me only.

And that makes me very happy and joyful.

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